So Confused

I really don't know what to do anymore. Transferring has become such an issue lately. Brockport seemed perfect at first, until I realized I was settling because I knew someone going there. Thinking about Niagara I feel the same way. I love the people there and it's a beautiful school with great programs, but there is the cost issue. I've just been so desperate to find a way out of Buffalo and I've been so busy defending my reasons that after really reading what I was writing and listening to what I was telling everyone else I realize was just trying to justify it to myself, and I see through it all now. I'll probably stay here for the year and really research colleges, no outside influences unless I ask for suggestions from people who are knowledgable about it. I also realized that after talking it all out with someone for nearly two hours, one of the major reasons I don't like it here is becasue I am too far from home. I'm way too attached to my family, friends, and surroundings to be this far away. It kills me that I have to miss birthdays and family get togethers because it's not practical for me to come home unless I have a vacation from school. I hate that. After nearly two months here I know I am ridiculously dependant on my family and nothing is going to change that no matter how hard I try to detach myself. I feel like I'm missing out on so much. If I'm this far away for the next 4 years I'm going to miss so much of Austin, Cole, Nate, Lucas, and Ryleigh growing up and thinking about that kills me, I don't want to miss any of it. Pictures are great but they aren't the real thing.
Although it wasn't originally my plan to stay so close to home I'm going to start looking for schools within an hour or two from home. Possibly even right in the capital region. I know it's corny but I want to teach English and/or theatre at AP. I want to do this because of "B", "Keebs", and "Mufasa". I want to change someone's life the way they changed mine.

...I just don't know anymore....I really need mor time to think about everything.

Mar you were right about the hasty decision. Mom and Kari, thanks for the advice.

Well I have a paper to write, so I better start that now that it's almost 1am and class starts at 9.